In “Training” – Week 1

[ Note: Still not sponsored. Aaptiv, if you wanna sponsor me, see my contact page! ]

So, after my semi-failed semi-successful first start with this whole working out thing (see that journey here) I figured I might as well try to keep this thing going for as long as possible.

When I set everything up I told Algo that I only wanted to work out on Mondays and Thursdays, simple enough right? Well, Algo really thought that I should be doing something all the other days of the week as well. What on earth does Algo think it’s talking about, hmm? You mean moving my body is required of my more than the two days I signed up for? Fine.

Tuesday dawned and Algo thought that I should do some stretching. I did zero stretching. I had a presentation to give after work on Tuesday and in no way shape or form was I prepared to take time away from picking out the best gay outfit (green chinos, white short sleeved button down, tan oxford Doc Martins, and suspenders) to do something as silly as stretch! I had other shit to do Algo! As I left for work I told myself that I would do some stretches when I got home.

Well, so I had that presentation that I gave to my colleagues and then I decided to stay after with them and talk. We recently moved into a new office with a ping pong table and we started a mini championship (I did not partake), and sat around on the new couches drinking beer and catching up. There was one guy I was particularly stoked to catch up with. He was one of the first people I met back when I started and we’re at different client sites now so it was really good to see him.

All of this meant that when I arrived home on Tuesday, I was kind of drunk and in no way shape or form ready to work out. I sobered up, had a piece of pizza (seriously this is the best vegan pizza ever) and drank a ton of water. Z had a friend over to watch the Bachelorette so it was me and my Celtic Music and some peanut butter on an english muffin and then bed time. Major bed time.

Wednesday morning I was feeling much better. I actually got up at my 7:15 alarm and actually started my day by drinking a whole glass of water (something Algo is really insistent that I do). I then looked at what else Algo wanted me to do that day and it was “learn bow pose“.

My immediate vision was of tying myself into a bow and bopping around on top of someone’s head but I quickly realized it was the bow of a ship. Got it. I can be a ship! Fast forward to me actually on the floor lifting my head and chest up and I realized that I was very wrong. It was a bow. Like one you shoot arrows with. I hate the English language sometimes.

Anyway this particular pose was Hard as Hell! Like I was lying there on the floor lifting my head and chest up and every part of me hurt. My ribs hurt, my boobs hurt, my hips hurt, my stomach hurt, my neck hurt and by the end of it I desperately needed a shower. Fine. I wouldn’t be late to work so it was fine, but also not what I signed up for on my “rest day”.

Wednesday night we saw The Prom (read more about that amazing experience in A Gay Summary) and all of my emotions came bubbling to the surface so that by the time we got home I was emotionally drained, still kind of crying, and fell into bed with the sort of abandon usually expressed by not having to be up and doing things the next day.

If I’m being honest, I totally forgot about my work out.

The next morning I woke up at 6:45 to my cat vomiting. I got up, dutifully cleaned it, and then stood at the doorway to our bedroom for a solid minute. Algo wanted me to do cardio today, Algo wanted me to take a walk or go for a run or ride a bike. Algo wanted me outside. It was raining outside. Algo wanted me to move my body, it wasn’t even seven am and my body did not want to move. I resigned myself to doing another workout in the evening and crawled back into bed.

However, I didn’t have to wait until the evening. Once I’d gotten up for real (at like 8:15 – whoops!) and I’d really looked at the options I realized there was a walking option that lasted 20 minutes. That’s about how long it takes me to get to my train. I could walk to my train and complete my work out for the day?? This had to be cheating.

So I got dressed and packed my bag and pulled my raincoat low over my face and off I went! It started really well, some deep breaths, setting pace, it also happened to be set to one of my favorite soundtracks right now – The Greatest Showman. I had fun, I was getting warmed up, I was super conscious about how hot I was – I didn’t want to get to work all sweaty and gross, and also by my posture, I had on a shoulder bag not a back pack so it was hard for me to remain fully up right shoulders back like they wanted.

By the time I got to my train station, my jacket was fully open, my hood was off and I was breathing rhythmically, I still had about three minutes left on the walk so I walked the block up and down like a maniac trying to finish out this workout. This work out that was really very good and I was giving poor poor justice to. It was fun, but I really don’t think it’s something to be combined with commuting.

So, Algo gave me a gold star for the day and Thursday continued on as planned.

Friday was harder. Friday, Algo wanted me to meditate. I do not do well meditating. I get in my head, my nose starts to itch, I cannot keep still and I cannot keep my brain engaged. I’m too reliant on stimuli or something but I have tried meditation tons of times and cannot get my brain to shut off and calm down like it’s supposed to. The closest thing to is is working out – or dancing.

I didn’t do anything on Friday. I know, I’m bad. But listen, I only signed up for two things a week. As far as I was concerned I’d already overachieved my goal – it was fine – everything was totally fine!

Friday night began a twenty four hour weird brain borderline depressive episode. I was cranky, I was mean, I was short, and I was sad. I tried my best to keep it from Z, I knew I wasn’t mad at her, but at the same time every single thing around me was annoying. I wanted to wear something but it had to be both really feminine and really masculine at once. It wasn’t a good fit. It wasn’t a good fit. It wasn’t a good fit. Fuck Fuck Fuck.

We got through it, we went to a beer garden, I cried in public, it was all fine. No meditation happened, though.

Saturday was harder, my mood was still on the fritz and I wrestled strongly between “leave me the f*ck alone” and “why can’t we be touching at all times?” with Z. I had an eye doctor appointment and she wanted to go to the farmers market so off we went in our separate directions, probably for the best.

I had checked Algo, it wanted me to walk or do yoga. I mean, sure. Okay. I could do that. But it’s so much easier to just sit here and feel sorry for myself, right? I thought that maybe I’d do a walking thing in Manhattan after my eye appointment. But the memory of hot and not-quite sweaty me on Thursday dissuaded me. Also, I hadn’t talked to my best friend, M, in a long time. So I called her and the two of us spent an hour and a half just chatting on the phone together as I wandered Union Square and she prepared to start her new job.

Then Q and Z met me in the city and we had a lovely day just wandering around, drinking bubble tea, having beers at random bars. We walked down to Christopher street, we danced at Henrietta Hudson, made some new friends, you know. No walking or yoga happened, but by the end of the night I was really out of my funk and ready to take on the world.

So, Sunday. The day exactly a week from where this all started with me belly itching and watching the Tonys, I was now hosting a large group of people and Z and I were making brunch and mimosas and we had to clean and go go go!

It was so great. I love people, I loved those people. Someone who we met at Henrietta Hudson the previous night showed up – they’re new to the city and looking for community. Z’s cousin and her (boy)friend showed up. Some friends from around the neighborhood showed up. Q brought a lovely array of fruit and spent a lot of time decompressing in the kitchen with Z and I as he slowly chopped nectarines.

After everyone left, Z and I cleaned up and watched five hours of The Fosters. We watched the sun set from our TV room window. Bye Bye Sunday, hello ice cream!

I didn’t even think about Algo once.


Tomorrow starts another week. Let’s hope it goes better than this one – though I will say, I did work out twice this past week which is two more times than I’d worked out the week previous to that. We’re on an upward trajectory! Wish me luck

[ Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash ]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s